Don’t Let the Danglers Dangle You!

Hey there Butterflies!

dangler1Sometimes, I find myself sitting back and laughing out loud at the games people play with one another. Well, this latest chuckle has sparked my writing inspiration for today.

What is my definition of a Dangler? Well, I’m glad you asked. A Dangler is someone who pretends to support you, but they really don’t. They know that something big is about to happen in your life and they want to stay close enough so that their names will be added to your A List. So, here and there, they will shout you out and they may even drop in for a chat or two. No worries, they mean you no harm, they just didn’t learn the lesson on keeping it real.

That’s right, you’re in control. Appreciate the shout outs, welcome the chats, but more importantly, learn your lesson. As my mama use to say, every shut eye aint sleep and every good-bye aint gone.

Spread your wings Butterflies and keep it moving. Let them tag along, but with not strings attached.

@iamreneejones

Stuck in the Middle!

imageSweep around your own front door! While you’re busy laughing about Beyoncé and her family matters your problems still exist. There’s a difference between discussing what’s happening in the news and rejoicing over someone’s problem. Shame on you!

I come from a time where you kept your business, YOUR BUSINESS. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I admire Beyoncé, she has always managed to keep her private life private for the most part. I’m sure this is why when a scandal breaks out about her it’s like a feeding frenzy. People seem to think that putting on a smile and showing a united front to others is being “fake” or “perfect”. Some of you who are celebrating in this scandal can’t even deal with your own issues. Perhaps you’re going in on Beyoncé issue to take the focus off your own. Where is your baby mama/daddy? Who is your baby mama/daddy? Are you still working for someone? How much money do you have saved? Don’t blame Beyoncé for being on the throne that you placed her on. She’s human and life happens to us all, famous or not.

This is a sad issue! I don’t care how famous you are or are not, who wants to deal with a feud between the man or woman you love and a family member? Being stuck in the middle is never fun! Why am I being so passionate about this issue? Because I get hit with it all the time. Just because I keep my life as private as possible, others think I live a perfect life and have no issues. Really? When they say that to me, I wonder to myself, what is it they want to know about me. Whatever it is, it’s not to keep me lifted in prayer, trust me. Get your life!

Instead of flooding social media with the drama of it all, post a prayer for them in their time of need. Leave them alone to deal with their family drama and just maybe you’ll get that in return when it’s your time to deal with your family DRAMA!

#AskRenee

Celebrate Life

Today, I celebrate my 50th Birthday!image

In spite of the ups and downs in my life, nothing was strong enough to stop what God ordained – this day!

This past Saturday, I celebrated with family and friends and we had a freaking BLAST!  I’m still a bit sore from all of the dipping it as low as I could go moves (lol), and from posing for the many photos of the night.  I cannot believe that my husband shared with everyone that I laugh out loud in my sleep! I can’t help but to love that man, but he had to get the side eye on that one. Yes, it was a Night in Paris theme party and I don’t know if they do the soul train line in Paris, but for that night, we had it wrapping around the tables. Oh yeah, it’s a family tradition at every event that the nieces battle the aunties in a dance off, and if you don’t know, now you do because we took them down, as usual.  Age ain’t nothing but a number (hehe haha)!!

Well, I just wanted to stop by and encourage you to celebrate your life.  Not just on your birthday, but EVERY day.  Life is ordained to teach us lessons along the way on our path to freedom.  Yes, it gets rough and bumpy, but God has blessed you to WIN! So, go ahead and LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE IT”S GOLDEN, because it is.

– Renee

Be Careful What You Ask For!

Rather you want to admit it or not, just about everyone has seen the clips of MiMi Faust and Nikko Smith’s sex tape!

imageI was on social media the other day and saw a video of MiMi on a rampage about keeping our opinions to ourselves because only God can judge her. Well, the truth is, only God can judge us when it comes to our salvation. But, we are the ones who judge one another while here on earth. We should not judge one another in condemnation, but we do judge. You don’t believe me? Go out and commit a crime and tell the law, “only God can you me.” Honey please, let’s see where that gets you. We say that when we want to feel better about the decisions we’ve made, especially when the majority are against that decision.

Mimi from the reality tv show, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta has made the decision to share her shower rod moves with the world and has now gone on the defense about that decision. Mind you, only after she has been tagged as, “desperate.” Yes, I watch the show and I must admit, she is the one I’ve been cheering for to win. I mean, how many of us women can’t relate to her plight. Being in love with a man that won’t do right by us. I’m just sad she made the decision to jump from the pot into the frying pan.

MiMi stands in desperate need for someone to fix her life. There’s nothing wrong with getting help along the way Butterflies! I’m sure she got paid real good for that shower rod act and she’ll be laughing all the way to the bank. But, at some point, the bank is going to close and the reality of this decision is going to sit in. She will have to look herself and her daughter in the face, and she will have to give an account for her actions. I’m still cheering for her and praying for the day when she will make the decision to F.L.Y. (First Love Yourself).

I’ll leave you all with this; there is nothing wrong with pleasing your man, but don’t be so quick to share it with others, they may want a piece of the action.

#AskRenee

Life in the Spotlight!

Anybody who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of American contemporary gospel duo Mary Mary. Heck, I even wrote in my book, Let Go and Let God, how their song, Shackles was a favorite of mine during a particularly happy part of my life. So, it should be no surprise that I am a fan of their  Mary Mary Reality TV Show.

In the past couple of weeks, I have watched in shock, yes, I mean eyes as wide as saucers and my jaw to the floor, as Tina has had to endure blow after blow of lies, deceit, and downright scandalous revelations from her husband. I stand in solidarity with Tina Campbell during this, painful and embarrassing time. To add insult to injury, she has to deal with a private matter in the public eyes.  light

I can remember a time in a relationship when I had to deal with this very thing.  I was faithful to him. I was true to him. I did everything I could to be ALL the woman he needed, and yet, he stepped out of our relationship. The blow was devastating!  Friends were telling me about how they were seeing him out in public places with another woman, but with my rose colored glasses, I couldn’t see it.  He didn’t change much of his routine, so I thought there was no truth to it.  Whenever I confronted him about it, of course, he denied it!  It wasn’t until he stopped making love to me that I started to see what others had been telling me.  I figured at that point, something had to be wrong.

Here it was, I was walking around bragging and glowing about a love that no longer existed.  Out on my own, and all alone, I had to explain to family and friends that he had been untrue to our relationship.  Of course, they asked “what happened?”, and I had to look them in their faces and admit, he cheated on me. My perfect relationship wasn’t so perfect after all. Even after all that embarrassment, I was still willing to forgive him and stay in that relationship.  But, I couldn’t let go of the deceit and embarrassment and I found myself becoming that girl.  I was jealous, suspicious, angry, and I knew our relationship would not survive. Eventually, we decided to part ways.

I said all that to say,  life happens to all of us, and we all have our own troubles to deal with.  It’s not always easy to do so, especially when you have to deal with personal struggles while others are watching.  Many of them have their opinion to add, while others use it as an opportunity to point their fingers and laugh. But, sometimes you have to block others out and make the best decision for you.

“Sometimes the things we can’t change end up changing us!”  Unknown

#AskRenee

And The Beat Goes On!

Hey Butterflies!

Today is still an important day in my life.  Twenty-two years ago, God blessed me with a son.  There he was, over 7lbs and 19″,  eyes so big they could scan a room in seconds.

image

imageBlackyTrevin was definitely a, “Mama’s boy.” Family use to say, “Boy, get off of mama and leave her alone!” He was either sitting under me, or lying on my shoulder.  I didn’t mind, he was my baby.  I had to tell him at least three times a day that I loved him, or he aggravated the heck out of me.

You see, he was murdered in 2011 in a drive-by shooting. Since then, times have been rough and a bit unbearable to stand on my own. Everyday, I force myself to let go and let God heal me from this pain.  The pain of over-whelming sadness. The pain of finding myself so deep in depression that it’s hard to find the light of life that once shined so brightly within me, it lit the way for others.  I find  myself sitting in a room and questioning if the walls are closing in on me, or is it just my imagination running away with me. The guilt of smiling and enjoying life. One minute I’m, “Ms. Happy Go Lucky,” and the next I’m allowing tears to flow down my face because it feels better than the pain of guilt. The pain of being angry with God for allowing such tragedy to happen.  There are times I trust God to heal me, but there are also times I find myself praying for Him to forgive me for my unbelief.

The most comforting thing in this tragedy is that I made the decision to donate his organs.  Of course, I would much rather have him here.  But, at least I know his death was not in vain.  Through his organ donation, many others  live on and have a fighting chance to live out their purpose.  Now I know, his purpose was greater than my pain.  The beat goes on, not only for the recipients of his organs, but for a mother which once lost hope.

In the end, I thank God for the twenty-two years with my son.

Renee

 

 

Malaysia Airlines Tragedy From A Mother’s Perpective

Where are they?

I remembered when my son was shot in a drive-by shooting in October 2011 and I when I first heard the news my reaction was, “Where is he, take me to him.”  Once I got to where he was, some of his friends were all around giving me limited information and telling me this and telling me that, yet no one wanted to tell me the truth.  So, here I was dealing with the news of my child being shot in the head and no one is willing to give me any clear directions on what to do or what to expect.Malaysia

Can you imagine the grief of these families?  Not only knowing that there’s a possibility their loved ones are dead, but have absolutely no information to go on.  No bodies, no wreckage, no suspect, just a bunch of lies.  Just the every day torment of having hope but then having it snatched away by the ones who are supposed to be there to help. As a mother who has lost a child, I (in spirit) stand with these families and demand answers NOW! As crazy as it may sound to some, seeing your loved one even if for the last time does provide you some closure, these families need closure, they deserve closure.  Enough with the lies, enough with the deceit!

First the airline lets them down and now their government.  Here it is Satellites can take pictures of a car sitting in the driveway, however they can’t seem to find one of the world’s largest planes that has seemingly disappeared off the radar.

Here I am two years past the murder of my son and still no arrest and no information.  It frustrates me to know that if my son was a high ranked official not only would there be information provided, but the case would have been solved by now.

I wish they would stop playing mind games with these families and give them some concrete answers.  No one wants to live with the agony of not knowing what has happened to their loved ones.

#AskRenee

 

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning

Black Love!

Allow me to take a moment to chat with all of my Black Butterflies. Black Butterfly

When are we going to get it? When will enough be enough?  Lately, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster with all of the racial issues that has been on the rise over the past few years. Especially, when it comes to the, “Stand your ground” law. The cases that are highlighted in the media should be cut and dry and guilty on all charges.  There has been no justice and as a mother of a murdered son, I will continue to pray for the families of KiJuan Byrd, Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis and all others that has experienced this great pain of losing a child.

My issues here are coming from a different place and I have a question to ask my black people.  When are we going to stand our ground and love, respect and support one another?  Even the word of God shares with us that a house divided against itself, that house cannot stand (Mark 3:25).  So, why are we looking for respect from others when we are not giving it to ourselves. When we think about how other nationalities are treated in this country, our main focus becomes, we are being treated unfairly.  The truth is that the other nationalities stick together and if you come against one, you will have to come against them all.  When they do wrong against us, they don’t think twice about their consequences because they know that we will jump on the bandwagon and rise up for the moment, but then back to cutting one another down after the smoke has cleared.  Now, calm down because I know this does not apply to all of us, but we must admit that we still have a ways to go and it should start and end with us.

We should not look for something from others that we are not willing to give to ourselves.  Love! Respect! Support!

Renee

 

 

Don’t Be A Storm Chaser!

What’s up Butterflies?

I was just sitting here and thinking to myself, some of us sit in front of the television and watch Storm Chasers chase after tornadoes and fly in the eye of hurricanes and we think to ourselves, they must be crazy.  But, in life drama is as dangerous as a storm and some of us chase it every day.

Image21-400x400You all know the saying, “Don’t start no drama and it won’t be no drama.” Well, it is evident that not everyone has gotten that memo because there is drama everywhere.  Drama in the church. Drama in the office. Drama in the home. Heck, there’s even drama on social media.

It takes two elements to set the drama scene: A running mouth of other people’s business; and a listening ear to gossip.  I know, I get it because there are some things that go down in our lives as well as in the lives of others that just make us want to run and tell it. But, that doesn’t make it right.

When jumping in other people’s business, half the time we are making assumptions about the situation and we all know that assumptions make a fool out of the one who is assuming.  The other half of the time, we are listening to what others say they heard someone else say. Do you see how crazy that is? The rules are simple, yet many of us make it complicated.  If we have nothing good to say, then we need keep it moving.  Think about it, when you are dealing with drama in your life you want compassion and prayer, not more drama.

So, how do we fix this?  If we are not there to make the situation better for others then we need to stay out of it.  Also, we need to avoid the drama queens.   Those are the ones who do nothing but look for drama and when they can’t find it, they create it.  They are the first ones to deliver bad news and the last ones to share the good news.  We all have enough to deal with in our own lives and to be caught up in others people’s business makes no sense.

Since we all can use help in this area, join me in asking the Lord to help us to be a better person and stay drama free.  It will free us to live a happier and more productive life.

#AskRenee

 

Shattered Dreams!

imageWhat’s up Butterflies?

Have you ever had to deal with people who do nothing but drain you and keep you frustrated, even when you’re trying to help them? Yeah, I’m sure you have. I’m coming to understand, they are not the problem, we are.

It’s okay for us to help and support others, but if we have to chase them down, beg and plead to support them, then we need to move on.

I was speaking with someone not long ago and I asked, “Do you believe in me?” I thought I was going to get a simple reply, but in return they turned the table on me. They responded, “Of course I believe in you, but it sounds like you’ve lost confidence in yourself.” What? Now, how was I to be mad at that when I knew it was the truth.

You see, for the past two years I’ve been wasting time, money and energy on things and people that I was supporting but was not supporting me. What I didn’t realize is that it had started affecting my confidence. I figured, since I kept hitting a brick wall then the problem had to be with me and my vision. Yeah, for a quick minute I became that girl who allowed others to rain on my parade… I’m back (lol) and now stronger than ever.

Who are you around? Who are you sharing your dreams with? Who are you supporting? Who is supporting you? I tell you Butterflies, you better ask these questions and get them answered up front because it will save you lots of time, money and energy. #AskRenee! But most importantly, it will keep you moving in the right direction, eliminate a lot of frustrations as well as keep your confidence level up. If you haven’t done so in a while, pull out your radar, do a crowd check and don’t be afraid to zap those dream snatchers out of your way and move on. When you do that, you’ll make room to attract the motivational movers and your true supporters around you.

Nope, I’m not mad nor am I rambling, I’m just keeping it real, letting go of the experiences and sharing my lessons.

Until the next time have faith, believe in yourself and keep your mind right.

Renee

Our Issues Go Deeper Than Blue Ivy’s Hair!

I often ask myself, what makes us focus on other people lives while we ourselves are struggling with our own. When growing up mama use to say, “Leave people alone and mind your own business!” Social Media is flooded with posts and videos that exploit other people which have the potential to do long term damageBlue Ivy.  Then, we wonder why some people grow up angry and taking it out on others who had nothing to do with their pain. It doesn’t make it right, but we better figure it out before it gets worse.

What are your goals and ambitions? Where do you see yourself five years from now? If we haven’t figured that out then we should not be focusing on Blue Ivy’s hair. Let’s take all of that wasted time and energy and deal with what’s going on with us. Did you check out India Arie’s song, “I Am Not My Hair?” Sometimes, we think the joke is on others when it’s really on us. The bottom line is that we should not be concerned about what her hair looks like, combed or uncombed. If we have to focus on her, let’s be more concerned about if she is being properly loved and taken care of. Blue Ivy was born into what most of us are working, praying, hoping, and tricking for every day and that is financial stability. Don’t be a part of the problem in our society, be a part of the solution and it starts with love and respect for others.

Renee